RaNdOm RaMbLiNgS

woke up today to a shitty morning. did the same
shitty routine to inject myself into the oblivion that is
reality. i then inhale a little the fumes of my
favorite flora, half disconnect from reality
to provoke myself to assume readiness for the
journey ahead. the trip was lame and dull as
ever, the streets full of noise and seemingly
endless chaos. and then was i to witness a sign
which i did not foresee. 'twas a small truck or
rather lori, filled with crap it was probably.
but what struck me hard was not the truck, not its
driver nor its contents. but an anonymous quote
on its rear displayed for all to see if
interested. the sign said "today was yesterday's
tomorrow you were worried about". it was not
complex, nor misleading. in fact it was easy to
decipher its meaning. but through introspection,
i ran into a wall. i had nothing to deny but to
accept i had all. twas not the meaning which was
in my mind creeping, but the fact that i had not
felt this feeling. yesterday i did not fear
today, and as such, today i do not fear tomorrow.
is this a sign of good or ill. what ever it is
it's kept me at a standstill. am i too active or
am i too passive. do i breeze through life or do
i struggle completely. the answers to these
questions only time can give, for now i will
merely ponder my being through this little fluke of an epiphany.

rose from torpor in the worst condition.
possessions both material and immaterial lost in the confusion
am i cursed to live on in suffering and dismay
or is it all my minds concoction
a recipe of lies and deceit
fills my nostrils with the stench of defeat
have i lost a dear friend's trust
through the senseless act i've done
have i pushed a kindred spirit away
just to sasitsfy my hedonistic whims
need to stop... need to think
or loose my breakfast to the sink
hope these things had never happened
hope my list of friends hasn't lessened
all that's left is to ponder and question
and hope that time will shift my attention
maybe elsewhere i may find my redemption
for i want now to be in another dimension

born into the world
with the purest of hearts
unfettered with vice
and ignorant of crime

yet as the liveliest flower
is sure to dry and wither
one' knows he soon shall lose
this sense of peace forever

with the growth of knowledge
comes the loss of innocence
and the with the loss of innocence
springs forth all wanton desire

such is the way nature is dictated
so such is the way that things shall be

fuck your faith
down with your morals
i am sick and tired
of your little tutorials

who are you
to say i am a freak
what do you know
to say my future is bleak

you may go on
with all you preach
but to you i say
your mind is weak

for talk is cheap
and action effective
spare us the sermon
your labor is pending

i once knew bliss
on a far away plane
then, unknowledgaeble to
all sorrow and pain

yet sure as all things
shall come to an end
and so would my soul
be harassed til it bent

but alas, dear comrade
my soul has so survived
laid down to the ground
yet still quite alive

i daze, all wounded and scathed
forced to crawl in unending struggle
i am burdened by a cacophony
of shrill screams and loud shouts

yet not only in my mind
does all this surely exist
but an eternal nightmare
to manifest even in waking

in a place far yonder,
my mind shall wander
dreaming of things
which could've been better

in hopeless dismay
my heart's in a sway
for the world's purpose
is to blow me away

so here i am
and here i'll stay
just to follow through
on life's elaborate stage play

my head spins
my mind rattles
my thoughts swim
my spirit wanders

through barren lands
i tread on foot
no tree or oasis
to remind me of good

is there an end to this travesty
or rather is it time to end this journey

an answer to these questions i cannot provide
for in my mind there is a great divide
i try to piece together the jigsaw puzzle of my soul
only to discover that most pieces are lost

to time immemorial i offer my thoughts
for i've lost them now by living wrong
but how am i to know what is right
if in the abyss there is no light

nawawala ako sa dagat ng pagbabago
walang alam sa kakahinatnan ng aking tadhana
lumalangoy, nalulunod, naghihirap, walang makapitan
lumilingon kung saan lalangoy pero di alam kung saan patungo

marami nakong nainum na tubig dagat
at bumibigat na ang aking lahat
meron bang makakakita
at kung meron, ano ang gagawin nila

lumalangoy, nalulunod, naghihirap, natatawa
eto ang kinabukasan nga mga taong tanga
pumapadyak ng walang dirksyon
lumalangoy pero dala lamang ng alon

sige langoy ka lang nang langoy
sa kalawakan ng dagat nang magisa
sana naman ay may marating ka
at magkaroon ng justisya ang iyong pagdurusa

sino ba 'tong dakilang talamak
nakatitig sa king' parang uwak
nagsusunog ng pera, nagsusunog ng utak
kunwari'y matalino pero palaging wasak

kung kumilos sobrang presko
pero mukhang naligo sa burak
dalang dala ang mga damit
na malamang sa iba lang hiniram

tumatawa, naiiyak, tumitingin, humahalakhak
eto nga ba ang dakilang talamak
yun lang ang sinasabi sa sarili
habang nakatingin sa salamin ang may topak